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Battletoads

The NES box art for (the mind-blowingly hard) Battletoads!

Battletoads is an action, beat 'em up platformer game released for the NES in 1991 by Rare. The plot is very simple; it stars three Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles-like toads (whaaaat?) named Rash, Zitz, and Pimple (whaaaaat?), and Rash and Zitz go after the Dark Queen, who has captured Pimple and Princess Angelica.

Ever heard of Battletoads at all? I hadn't either until I saw the Kwings do a short turn-taking playthrough of the first couple of levels. Due to that, I was interested in playing it, but I found that it is completely hard!

First let me go over some good aspects: the controls worked really smoothly, at least the attacks did, and the entire game is really clever plotwise. I could play it for a long time except for the highly unreasonable difficulty.

Secondly, the graphics on this game are fantastic considering the fact that this is an 8-bit NES game; the characters, bosses, enemies, and environments are all well-rendered and great looking. In fact, that's one of the major things that caught my interest about this game.

There are some negative aspects about the game, too, though; a big one is that some of the maneuvers are kind of broken. Sometimes you can actually jump onto a platform and then fall off immediately for no reason, and other times, you can hit the platform, but then fly down into the pit and EXPLODE! That may sound kind of cool (and it is in a way), but in newer games, that kind of glitch wouldn't happen, and I'm glad.

Now onto the major issue about this game: this is easily one of the most difficult games I've ever seen in my life. Early on, in the third stage, the last three-quarters of the level is zooming along on a really really fast bike and rapidly dodging walls, jumping a ton of them in a row, and leaping ramps just to get to the end.

What's more is that it gets much, much worse from what I've seen. This is the kind of game that would take years of trial and error to even come close to finishing. I'm talking memorization, sense memory, reflexes, and monster timing. It's really just ridiculous how this is on an NES, because finishing it is close to impossible without devoting all your time to it for weeks on end.

This game isn't available yet on the VC, but I wouldn't suggest getting it unless you are craving a severe, unbelievable taxing gaming challenge. Otherwise, this is an excellent beat 'em up that will sharpen your gaming skills something serious.

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